Alice lives downstairs in a fabulous, vast, and sumptuous rent-controlled apartment. She knows everyone in and everything about New York and maybe the world, too. She is ever-busy but divulges nothing. She is rumored to be Phyl's daughter, but nobody really knows for sure.
Age: Fuck off
Axe: Axe? You want an axe? I'll axe your ASS!
Beverage: I take my tea with gin, sir, the same as any lady.
Fear: Get the fuck out of my apartment. I can't believe this shit. GET OUT!
Berwell is one the buildings two supposed supers, though neither is on the books and neither is paid. He lives in the building because he wasn't allowed in it as a boy and he likes to score one for the People now and again. As for racing with Crienkmann for all the super-calls, he says, "Man got to stay busy."
Age: 78
Axe: Life itself
Beverage: Port wine in the convenient travel size
Fear: Jesus, momma, and the two together.
Cheese met Clench when his drunken mother mistakenly walked into the wrong flat, sitting down and removing her shoes before Clench's mum said anything. The two boys became fast friends despite their vast differences in character. Cheese is sometimes considered to be the stupider of the two, but he's always the last to know.
Age: 48
Axe: Lefty Bass
Beverage: Olde Engish 800 (It's bloody ENGLISH, right?)
Fear: None, so far.
Clench is half of the duo. Raised in Birmingham, UK, he and his mate Cheese formed a band in 1973 after working a summer in a slaughterhouse. Clench said in an interview "We reckoned if we could do that to bleedin' animals, what the hell could we do to MUSIC?"
Age: 52
Axe: Guitar
Beverage: Got any bitter, mate?
Fear: Dentists, the odd spider
One of the two supoosed building supers, the other being Berwell. They are almost never apart, at least not in the building. The reason for this is a steady fear that one will be recognized as the actual building super. Since neither is paid, they do no work whatsoever. They do, though, show up for every call, sometimes lurching wildly for the phone when a tenant calls.
Age: 75, but I look like a man in his 50's
Axe: I can fix anything
Beverage: I don't drink except for days with a Y in them
Fear: Look, I'm the frickin' super here. What are you implying?
The Fat Kid is Clench and Cheese's drummer. He sounds like a cross '71 LTD with a thrown rod and a washing machine kicked down a flight of stairs.
Age: ??
Axe: Drums, not music
Beverage: Tang, Vodka and whatever
Fear: Guessing: showers
Jonny has been in and out of British prisons since he was a squeaker, meeting Clench and Cheese at a London pub in the early '70s. After his recent "release," he fled to NYC where he "promotes" Clench and Cheese, usually by sponging drinks. Jonny's uncle leases the apartment where Clench and Cheese live, and Jonny's gran gets their dole check every month. Why is Jonny so loyal? We may find out...
Age: ??
Axe: The Human Mind, chum. The Human Bleedin' Mind.
Beverage: Stoli. Or Smirnoff. Or Popov. Or whatever is clear and flavorless.
Fear: I'll give you something to fear, mate.
Phyl owns the building, and likely many, many more. Phyl lives for the cocktail hour but dislikes drinking alone. The cocktail hour must, by custom, start sometime after one awakes. She is vaguely English, but will not regard either Clench or Cheese with any but the most formal recognition (calling them both "Steve"). She is never without Monsieur Pootie, who seems to be a dog but must never, never be named as such.
Age:
Axe:
Beverage:
Fear:
(cold, empty looks from each question)
Spakula is an enigmatic character. A frequenter of the lower sort of nightclub, he knows the music scene inside and out. He can play every sort of instrument, but declines all invitations. He is known for introducing Clench and Cheese to drugs they never knew about as well as common substances they never knew were drugs.
Age: Undead, perhaps
Axe: He truly can play anything
Beverage: He says he drinks blood
Fear: Mirrors
